Thursday, November 15, 2012

A NEW LOOK!


Now that the dust has settled and things are getting back to a 

semi "NORMAL" pace,

I felt like it was time to give my Green Gourd Blog Space 
a face-lift.

What do ya'll think?

Please don't be shy!
I really do want your input.

I keep going back and forth on the fonts.

Before the show last weekend I made a few changes to my 
business cards and my birdhouse tags.
This must have given me the itch to remodel my blog.



 
I hope that this make-over will fuel a forward motion in the creative department.
I have so many things that I want to do...
but I seem to find myself constantly falling back into the things
I think I "SHOULD" be doing.
what I need to do is...
stop "SHOULING" on myself.

It just might be time to
"open the jar"!

Christmas will keep the juices flowing with creative homemade gifts ideas. 

I know that Thanksgiving is right around the corner and I "should" 
already have all my plans set and ready to go.

But I do NOT!

I am flying by the seat of my pants right now.
FOOD
is not my friend.

Should Old Acquaintance be FORGOT!



This is a little different for me.
I may share many personal things on this blog,
HOWEVER...

I keep this subject very close to my vest...
not to mention
my thighs, belly and butt to!

I have been vague when it comes to my health and my food.
But in order for this blog to continue keeping to it's original intention...
"a positive and intentional journal in my adventures of 
BECOMING 
ME"
I want to be a little more HONEST about some of these issues.

I have once again been inspired by my little sister

Daisynconcrete

She has been so open on her blog.
Sharing very intimate details of her personal life and her battle with depression.

I have spent many years
building a wall, with an illusion that I was some how protected from those "out there" that wanted to harm me.

These are the words of a survivor of sexual abuse.

However, it is so very much more than that.

I no longer need to survive...
I choose to LIVE!

Food is and always has been my DRUG of choice.
I am a Food Addict.
I am a food addict who now struggles with complications from diabetes.
I have had diabetes ever since I was pregnant with my daughter.
2 years later I stopped drinking and smoking.
This is when my food addiction really went into over drive.
I was able to manage my diabetes fairly well but not my weight.
It just kept creeping up the scale.
Unfortunately when we lost our insurance several years ago I no longer could afford the medications that had been keeping my blood sugar under control.
Things really began a downward spiral for me.
My sugars went crazy...
thus causing serious feelings of hunger...
being the good food addict I happily appeased those urges.
Causing me to fall into a full blown relapse with my food.
Inevitably I began to have complications from my diabetes along with other health problems.
Even if I wanted to move I couldn't physically do it.
Leaving me to stew in my own juices...
fat, depressed and dying.

But I have been making some positive changes in this part of my life.
Which is spilling over into my Green Gourd Side.
 Things are not always pleasant and I may not always have warm fuzzy antidotes.
But I will try not to hide in the dark with my secrets.
I am trying to tear down this wall!
Sometimes with dynamite and sometimes one stone at a time.
But it feels like I have little gnome masons following behind me, replacing the stones faster than I can take them down.
This Holiday Season...
may be tricky, sticky and uncomfortable.

I hope that you will all bare with me.

It won't be filled with traditional celebratory festivities.

Wow...
I caught myself holding my breath while I was writing that.
Yikes... smells like FEAR!

So many societies celebrate 
through food.

I can't recall a single family gathering that did not revolve around either food or alcohol.

Come to think of it...
I can't think of ANY gatherings that didn't.
It is how we do things.

I guess it is time for me to create
new traditions.
I don't assume that it will be easy.
Not for me or my family.

Bill is already asking for
Meema's
Strawberry Surprise 
for Thanksgiving Dinner.

I don't think I am strong enough to make it or have it in the house and not fall prey to my temptations.

How I want to be...
and who I am, don't always come out to be the same person.

I want to only make healthy intentional choices...
but the truth is...
I am weak
It would be easy for me to say...
"Thanksgiving should be about giving thanks..."
But we all know that when it comes down to brass tacks, Thanksgiving is all about the FOOD!
Damn those starving Pilgrims!
If the folks around me are not on the same page ...
trying to support me...
well I guess they will be making the Thanksgiving dinner themselves or going out to eat.

While I am being honest about the holiday food...

I think of all the Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and Birthday gatherings I have had at my house.
I was always so busy cooking and preparing food that I missed out on the actual socializing.
Even when I had help in the kitchen...
I was always so stressed to actually be present in the moment.

This was sometimes intentional, (you know how family can be)
but usually it was simply exhausting.

Keep me in your thoughts
and 
send me all your creative prayers and ideas.

I will need all the inspiration I can get to keep me creatively distracted from the food and all the holiday gatherings
while keeping the peace in my family
and not isolating
myself from the people that love me.






4 comments:

Susan said...

Wow, wow, wow!! What a great testimony to what you are and what your vision ahead is!! I can tell you this, I have been wallowing in the same sort of feeling with my diabetes, and lack of taking care of me through most of the last year. I have thoughts and impulses to get my act together, and I am slowly getting there. I can say since I have found out about my diabetes, for me its all about baby steps. Like my current baby step is getting back to drinking water during the day. It's a baby step for sure, but a pretty big deal for me, so I am trying to pat myself on the back on that one! That's the mindset that works for me. Like the blog makeover too, very calming colors. Keep on keeping on, SHAZAM!!

Green Gourd Creations said...

Oh Susan, Thank you!

Food has been an issue for me most of my life. And when I realized that my gestational diabetes had turned into type II diabetes, I was beside myself. I thought it was some sort of cosmic joke...

Ha, ha... give a food addict diabetes. Now I get to think about food every second of the day. Yippy!

Eventually I realized that in fact it was a blessing in disguise. Over the years I have had many layers of awareness and recovery in regards to my dis-ease. And every bit of it is part of WHO I am becoming.

I am a big fan of BABY STEPS and WATER!

Ginny Rodgers said...

Right on, Debbie!!!! I definitely shed some tears reading this one. I know this was a HUGE step for you. Fantastically huge though. Knocking that wall down will give you more freedom. You can help others on your journey too. It feels weird saying I'm proud of my big sis, someone that has taught me a lot, but I am! So wish I lived closer. Luke has even asked to see you guys for Thanksgiving. Maybe next year;) Keep on rockin' it, Mama D.

Debbie Marchitelli said...

Oh little sista... you got me welling up. I wish ya'll lived closer to. You tell Master Luke I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE him and we should definitely Skype on gobble day!

xoxo
me