Friday, July 26, 2013

Dog Days


I know that I said my blog would be... 

"A positive, creative and intentional journal in my adventures of becoming me."

today's post may be less POSITIVE than I would like.
I wish that I could say that my life was full of wonderful tales with profound insight.

But I would be blowing smoke up your...
bleep #*!

I have allowed some

...back into my home.

You know the expression
When you KNOW better, you DO better.
Not the case.

I know better...

I even have much BETTER alternatives
So WHY do I not DO BETTER?

Because I am
wait for it...

And I am now paying the piper.
I feel awful!
Physically, spiritually and emotionally.

Do I believe that these two villains are to carry the full burden of guilt?
However, these two ring leaders do have quite the following of miscreants.

I wish that I could say that food was the only area in my life that seems unmanageable at the moment.

But alas, that too would be a far cry from the truth.

Our finances are in a scary place.
Which usually leaves me in a place of ultimate FEAR.
A very unpleasant place to be.
And when my spirit is weak... I feel all the more vulnerable.
Creating a domino effect.
I begin doubting myself and the choices I've made.
I question whether or not I should continue to homeschool, have a horse or continue the expense of travel ball.
I inspect the status of my marriage.
I start looking for geographical changes instead of internal ones.
You would think that I knew the drill by now...

I have completely fallen off the wagon of 

My motivation is for... excrement
(I am trying to be polite)

What happened?

When the last of the dishwasher soap ran out...
Bill ran to the store.
And that was 3 months ago...
he has been back a few more times since then.

The same goes for my homemade


Even though I haven't run out of my
Almost All Purpose Cleaner

... I did make an impulse buy.

I don't feel as guilt about this one as maybe some of the other slips I have made.
But the fact that I am not making my
Homemade Products
leaves me feeling less than authentic and falling short from where I want to be.
When I am in my "dis-ease" it is easy for me to focus on the dark, unpleasant and the negative.
Which reminds me why, the positive spin on this blog.

Not because my life should be blissful and calm to be note worthy.
Or that I should be ashamed when my life is full of hardship.
My choice to focus on the positive is to remember that I am not alone in this journey...
and at any given time I can slip.
And if I focus on where I am going instead of where I have been it is less likely that I will stumble.

The reality is ...
I am where I am at this very moment!

Damn it, I have rings on my arss from sitting on this pitty pot for so long.
I wanna get up!
I may not always like who or where I am
but it is in my resistance that I encounter my struggle.

I must let go and accept ALL of who I am.
I am coming to realize that beauty is not only in the mature blossom
but all stages...
even as the petals begin to fall.

There is MUCH to be grateful for in my life.

I have a beautiful new niece,

I have an incredible daughter!

A hard working husband!
who may need a little more beauty sleep?

I also have a one of a kind...
in my backyard.
A creation of  Bill's...
it may have been more impressive

Friday, July 19, 2013


I just updated my Etsy Shop!
Check out my 

Santa Banana Gourd

A New Day!

Top of the Morning to Ya!

Well, it's been awhile.
And I have a million and one reasons why...
however, I actually want to post this so I won't go into the majority of them.

The Spring started off with a BANG!

As our schedule began to fill up 
and the temperatures rose...
this is what has become of 


Neglected and over run by weeds.
Kinda like my mind!

But we have had a good run so far.
We have been chugging along with school allowing for some breaks here and there...
balancing sanity and schedule.

So, we still have a few weeks to go to finish out the official "year".
Hopefully we can get finished up for Mary to enjoy a couple weeks of summer fun with her public schooled friends.

A lot of our spring and summer has been consumed with softball!

OBX Xtream

Then of course we had her regular season of 

Which BTW turned out to be an AWESOME year.
Regular season and Dare Co. Tournament


Now I am going to really BRAG!!!
Combining both of her years in 12U Babe Ruth regular season games...
Of the 23 games she pitched,
they won all 23!

That is one heck of a record.

Now it's off to...


Then they were invited to play in the...


Game 3 
This was a big win for Dare Co.
clinching their advancement into the final bracket.
It was a wonderful treat for Mary to have an extra fan in the stands.
Our good friend Ronald made the truck to Washington, NC to cheer Mary on to victory!

After a great run at STATE...
they ended up in 5th place out of 12 teams.
Not to bad for a team that was "invited."
 Knocking out teams that were district champions.
Way to go DC THUNDER!

Now that All-Stars and daily practices are over... 
Mary is excited to get back in the saddle and back to her barn routine.
Spending quality time with her main man...


Unfortunately just because 
are ready to get back in the saddle again,
doesn't mean that Phoenix is.
Just three days back from State,
and look what he went and did...

After a hefty VET bill...
We are once again on stall rest and back to daily leg wrapping duty.

Come on Phoenix,
3 times in less than a year!
We are going to start wrapping you in bubble wrap and keeping you in a padded stall.


We are also hitting the books again ...

School is BACK in SESSION!
It was a little bumpy the first day,
but she is slipping back into the routine.
5 days back in and we are rolling along!


BLING is the new softball fashion.
So, I made a few headbands for Mary.
They look awesome in the sun and under the lights during a night game.
She got so many complements on them that I decided to make some for her Max's Pizza Team.
I think they were a big hit.

Then Mary got a bright idea.
Because she has been asked to find sponsor for her OBXtream Team.
Why not help raise money by selling head bands to help pay her dues and other travel expenses.

She has already raised $100 
Way to go girl!

Even though I have let my gardens fall victim to the summer heat...
I still have a glimmer of hope left.

It is NEVER to late to start more seeds
both in the veggie garden and the flower beds.

Long coastal growing seasons mean

On a very personal note...
I have slipped in my abstinence from Sugar and White Flour.

It hasn't been pretty.
But it is my intention to get back on the wagon and turn the corner with my journey.

I will NOT give up!