Dog Days

HOWDY  FOLKS!

I know that I said my blog would be... 

"A positive, creative and intentional journal in my adventures of becoming me."

However...

today's post may be less POSITIVE than I would like.

I wish that I could say that my life was full of wonderful tales with profound insight.

But I would be blowing smoke up your...

bleep #*!

I have allowed some

UNWELCOME GUESTS

...back into my home.

You know the expression

When you KNOW better, you DO better.

Not the case.

I know better...

I even have much BETTER alternatives

So WHY do I not DO BETTER?

Because I am

wait for it...

a FOOD ADDICT!

And I am now paying the piper.

I'm in FULL RELAPS!

I feel awful!

Physically, spiritually and emotionally.

Do I believe that these two villains are to carry the full burden of guilt?

NO!

However, these two ring leaders do have quite the following of miscreants.

I wish that I could say that food was the only area in my life that seems unmanageable at the moment.

But alas, that too would be a far cry from the truth.

Our finances are in a scary place.

Which usually leaves me in a place of ultimate FEAR.

A very unpleasant place to be.

And when my spirit is weak... I feel all the more vulnerable.

Creating a domino effect.

YIKES!

I begin doubting myself and the choices I've made.

I question whether or not I should continue to homeschool, have a horse or continue the expense of travel ball.

I inspect the status of my marriage.

I start looking for geographical changes instead of internal ones.

You would think that I knew the drill by now...

I have completely fallen off the wagon of 

PURPOSE and INTENTION

My motivation is for... excrement

(I am trying to be polite)

What happened?

When the last of the dishwasher soap ran out...

Bill ran to the store.

And that was 3 months ago...

he has been back a few more times since then.

The same goes for my homemade

LAUNDRY SOAP 

Even though I haven't run out of my

Almost All Purpose Cleaner

... I did make an impulse buy.

I don't feel as guilt about this one as maybe some of the other slips I have made.

But the fact that I am not making my

Homemade Products

leaves me feeling less than authentic and falling short from where I want to be.

When I am in my "dis-ease" it is easy for me to focus on the dark, unpleasant and the negative.

Which reminds me why, the positive spin on this blog.

Not because my life should be blissful and calm to be note worthy.

Or that I should be ashamed when my life is full of hardship.

My choice to focus on the positive is to remember that I am not alone in this journey...

and at any given time I can slip.

And if I focus on where I am going instead of where I have been it is less likely that I will stumble.

The reality is ...

I am where I am at this very moment!

Damn it, I have rings on my arss from sitting on this pitty pot for so long.

I wanna get up!

I may not always like who or where I am

but it is in my resistance that I encounter my struggle.

I must let go and accept ALL of who I am.

I am coming to realize that beauty is not only in the mature blossom

but all stages...

even as the petals begin to fall.

There is MUCH to be grateful for in my life.

I have a beautiful new niece,

Tallulah!

I have an incredible daughter!

A hard working husband!

who may need a little more beauty sleep?

I also have a one of a kind...

"BEANHENGE"

in my backyard.

A creation of  Bill's...

it may have been more impressive

SUMMER SANTA SALE

I just updated my Etsy Shop!

Check out my 

CHRISTMAS GOURDS

View Christmas Gourds by Greengourd on Etsy:

'via Blog this'

A New Day!

Top of the Morning to Ya!

Well, it's been awhile.

And I have a million and one reasons why...

however, I actually want to post this so I won't go into the majority of them.

The Spring started off with a BANG!

As our schedule began to fill up 

and the temperatures rose...

this is what has become of 

OUR GARDEN

Neglected and over run by weeds.

Kinda like my mind!

But we have had a good run so far.

We have been chugging along with school allowing for some breaks here and there...

balancing sanity and schedule.

So, we still have a few weeks to go to finish out the official "year".

Hopefully we can get finished up for Mary to enjoy a couple weeks of summer fun with her public schooled friends.

A lot of our spring and summer has been consumed with softball!

OBX Xtream

14U TRAVEL BALL

Then of course we had her regular season of 

12U BABE RUTH

Which BTW turned out to be an AWESOME year.

Regular season and Dare Co. Tournament

1st PLACE CHAMPIONS

Now I am going to really BRAG!!!

Combining both of her years in 12U Babe Ruth regular season games...

Of the 23 games she pitched,

they won all 23!

That is one heck of a record.

Now it's off to...

ALL-STARS

DISTRICT RUNNER UP

CHAMPIONS!

Then they were invited to play in the...

ENC STATE CHAMPIONSHIP

Game 3 

BIG WIN

This was a big win for Dare Co.

clinching their advancement into the final bracket.

It was a wonderful treat for Mary to have an extra fan in the stands.

Our good friend Ronald made the truck to Washington, NC to cheer Mary on to victory!

WIPED OUT!

After a great run at STATE...

they ended up in 5th place out of 12 teams.

Not to bad for a team that was "invited."

 Knocking out teams that were district champions.

Way to go DC THUNDER!

Now that All-Stars and daily practices are over... 

Mary is excited to get back in the saddle and back to her barn routine.

Spending quality time with her main man...

PHOENIX

Unfortunately just because 

WE

are ready to get back in the saddle again,

doesn't mean that Phoenix is.

Just three days back from State,

and look what he went and did...

DANG!

After a hefty VET bill...

We are once again on stall rest and back to daily leg wrapping duty.

Come on Phoenix,

3 times in less than a year!

We are going to start wrapping you in bubble wrap and keeping you in a padded stall.

Grrr... 

We are also hitting the books again ...

School is BACK in SESSION!

It was a little bumpy the first day,

but she is slipping back into the routine.

5 days back in and we are rolling along!

SPARKELICIOUS

BLING is the new softball fashion.

So, I made a few headbands for Mary.

They look awesome in the sun and under the lights during a night game.

She got so many complements on them that I decided to make some for her Max's Pizza Team.

I think they were a big hit.

Then Mary got a bright idea.

Because she has been asked to find sponsor for her OBXtream Team.

Why not help raise money by selling head bands to help pay her dues and other travel expenses.

GREAT IDEA

She has already raised $100 

Way to go girl!

Even though I have let my gardens fall victim to the summer heat...

I still have a glimmer of hope left.

It is NEVER to late to start more seeds

both in the veggie garden and the flower beds.

Long coastal growing seasons mean

FALL GARDENS...

On a very personal note...
I have slipped in my abstinence from Sugar and White Flour.

It hasn't been pretty.
But it is my intention to get back on the wagon and turn the corner with my journey.

I will NOT give up!

A Dark and Winding Road

Greetings All!
I know it has been a while since my last post.

I have been in a somewhat dark and twisty mind space for the last several months.

I don't typically "share" when I feel like I haven't anything positive to talk about.

I sort of do the exact opposite!

Thank God! 
I am finally turning the corner and coming out of my isolation.

Much has happened since my last post.
I started a post about 3 weeks after Christmas which took me more than 2 days to write and still didn't finish it.

Shew...
EXTREMELY wordy!

This post is a partial skeleton of it's remains,
with a few additions.

CHRISTMAS

This year our budget was EXTREMELY tight.

Yet, Mary said that this was the 

BEST Christmas ever!

Gotta love that!

The day after Christmas we headed to my brother Michael's home in Virginia.

Mary made arrangements to have someone wrap Phoenix's leg every day while we were gone.

(Thank YOU... Debbie and Heather!)

Mary wouldn't trust just anybody to look after her main man.

This trip was to set a drastic shift into motion.
Less than 20 minuets from my brother's home I hit 
SNOW!

Have I ever mention that my brother lives on top of a MOUNTAIN?

That mountain would unearth some deeply rooted fear within me.

However, everything looks differently in the light of day.

It turns out that after all these years,
this ole mountain girl has become a flatlander without realizing it.

How and when did that happen?

More Snow Coming!

I had gotten some "new" tires put on and had my truck parked safely at the bottom of the mountain before this new snow would begin falling the next morning.

By evening the snow had stopped falling and the roads weren't too bad.
So it was off to Terry's place for a night of music.

Here is Rielly jaming out on the ukulele that his uncle Noodle made for him.

Good Stuff! 

There were all kinds of instruments for everyone to join in.
And the girls took turns belting out some of their favorite tunes.
Then the Wagner's entertained us with some of Noah's original songs.

After a wonderful night of family and music we spent a lazy Sunday afternoon at Michael's mountain top cabin. 
The time had finally come to head down the mountain and begin my travels eastward.
Pausing only to take a gander at one of the drop offs that I almost slid down on my way up the mountain... 
from the PASSENGER SEAT! 
It didn't seem quite so terrifying as it did sitting behind the steering wheel only a few days earlier.

But I sure was happy to have it behind me.
Soon I would be on my way to my cousin's home safely situated in the "valley"
to spend the evening with his family then get an early start back home.

Well, I didn't get that early start but I did have a wonderful visit.
Not to mention before hitting the road my cousin Eli

put a new bulb in my headlight.
No more winking on the highway for me.
Bill honey, he made it look easy!

As always, it was great to spend time at the Strauss House even if it was only a one night stand!

Hanna got the whole gang in this shot with the timer!

Thank you Hanna

Home again, home again...
jiggity jog!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Now that I was safely home 
I realize that my ability to move forward had come to a screaming halt.

My mountain adventure pulled out fears that I had been stuffing away for a very long time.

It is time to drag them out into the open
and put them to rest. 
I have slowly ...
with one foot in front of the other 
and with the assistance of  a gift from brother Michael and Celeste...

A New Journal


I was able to find my way back on the road and continuing my journey forward.

Our travels still consisted of daily trips to the Farm till Phoenix's leg was completely healed and able to be let out in the pasture again without having to bring him back in and wrap his leg.

But even without riding and exercising... there is never a dull moment at the barn.

Corolla Mustang Colts

Finally the long awaited time had come...

Phoenix was completely healed and ready to be cut loose back out into the pasture.
He was very happy to be a horse again!

I can not tell you how good it feels to once again regain a semblance of a "schedule"again.
School had gotten a little loosey goosey for a while.
Not any more!

It was ruff for the first week...
but it didn't take long to fall back into the flow.
We have made a few changes to our schedule to make school go a little smoother.
Now it feels like a well oiled machine again.

The last basketball game that Mary will probably ever play sadly came and went like a whisper.

She got sick just before her Rec. basketball tournament, and was unable to participate.

Once the girls Mary's age become eligible to play school ball there is typically not enough girls signing up to play Rec. Basketball anymore.
And since the state of North Carolina is one of the few hold out states that are NOT welcoming to Homeschoolers playing interscholastic sports...

Mary's last game on a basketball team came and went without a celebration or farewell.
Even though she loves playing basketball she doesn't love it enough to play on another travel team.

Alas, we shall not mourn long ...
for Spring is upon us and that means it's time for 

SOFTBALL!

Bust the Rust

New Warm Up Routines

100% Extension

and

New Pitches

Woo Hoo... Let's Play Ball!

Even though the second day of Spring brought 
SNOWFLAKES to the OBX...
my spring 
stands firmly!

and I will continue on my journey!
I 
WILL get that juicer broken in this year.

Swiss Chard and Kale

Chinese Cabbage and Stonehead Cabbage

Broccoli, Lettuce and Califlower

Lettuce, Lettuce and more Lettuce! 

 My Ladies

Roesmary

Carrots

She is flowing AGAIN!

Hydrangea

Still Hanging On!

 Kale and Spinach...
yum yum!

However, I did have a couple casualties...

Dang!
Guess it is time for a new strawberry pot...
or 
I will just have to transplant into some old boots.
I think I might have one or two ready to go already.

Some new additions!

Seeds

and other simple pleasures!

Time for some more propagation.

Phoenix and Mary are getting back into a groove!

and I am getting back to some of the things that I love to do...

LIFE IS GOOD!